Commercial Bliss

I have decided that in my next life I’m going to come back as characters in commercials. Why not? In commercials there is guaranteed happiness. I can have everything I’ve ever wanted, along with everything I never thought I wanted but have been convinced that I can’t live without. I will eagerly enter into the world of commercial bliss.

I will have the perfect family. You will see us sitting down at the table savoring our preprocessed food with true enjoyment. No arguments or sad faces, only smiles and laughter. We will live in a perfect house in a picture perfect neighborhood with charming pets and neighbors. Our lawns will look fabulous as we cheerfully mow them on our brand new mowers. Be sure to notice our two shiny new luxury vehicles sitting in the driveway.

My perfect house will be spotless because I will finally be able to truly enjoy housework. I will use my fabulous dish soap that not only makes my dishes sparkling clean but keeps my hands nice and soft too. Of course I will have a top-of-the-line dishwasher for those times when I don’t want to be bothered. I will have the most powerful vacuum on the market to keep my carpets extra clean, and my hardwood floors will be spotless. Even bathroom cleaning will be a joy and bring a smile to my face. When I’m done I’ll be sure to have a “Calgon take me away” moment. The aroma of wonderful products will always be drifting through my house bringing calm and peace to all who enter.

I’ll be enjoying all those things that bring my family closer together. Perhaps we’ll watch a funny movie on our state-of-the-art entertainment center with surround sound for that perfect movie experience while eating our imitation theater popcorn. Or maybe you’ll find us playing in our beautiful pristine backyard pool or on our large deck barbecuing on our amazing grill. All the neighborhood kids will want to be at our house because it’s always so much fun and the sun is always shining. There will never be a tear in the eye or a cloud in the sky.

Things that I dreaded doing in my former life will become pleasurable pursuits, like shopping for car insurance. I will enjoy this experience so much that I will call an agent at all hours just to chat. Paying my outrageous phone bill with all the hidden charges won’t bother me because I’ll have the latest and greatest cell phone with even more features that I don’t need or use. My new washer will so enthrall me that I will watch my laundry go through all the cycles. I will gladly pay my overpriced provider for over two hundred TV channels, even though I only watch a handful.

It won’t matter that I’ll be up to my eyeballs in debt. You can’t put a price on happiness, and commercials sell happiness, do they not? I’m sure these honest people would never engage in any sort of deceptive practices as they have only our best interests at heart. Their products and services are so great there is no way I can possibly lose as they will greatly enhance my life. I won’t have to worry about keeping up with the Joneses; the Joneses will have to worry about keeping up with me.

Sounds over the top and too good to be true doesn’t it? Well it is, but it’s in direct proportion to the messages they convey. Any “happiness” derived from a product or service is generally short lived, and always comes with cost attached. This is the part of the commercial bliss message they conveniently leave out. We would do well to remember that. Tuning them out and turning them off is the sensible thing to do. After all, that’s what they do to us.